rachel

This women’s retreat was a truly life altering experience in so many ways and I wish every woman could experience it for themselves.

I almost cancelled my plans to attend this retreat as my brother in law passed away the weekend prior and I wanted to be around to support my family. However, my sister and others pushed me to take the time for myself.

I cannot be more grateful that I attended and got to experience this weekend for myself.

Friday night there were a lot of nerves in me and I was very concerned as to whether or not I would “fit in” or if I would be able to make friends and connections with other ladies in the group. Especially as I was one of the few single ladies in attendance. However, right from the very beginning I felt welcome and got more and more excited to be able to get to know everyone over the weekend.

I was selected on the first night for a Reiki session. I would consider myself to be someone who was very skeptical of whether Reiki was “real”. Needless to say I am now a firm believer in it. I can’t accurately describe how it felt to me to feel the energy from Belle as well as to feel the energy inside myself. During my Reiki session Belle mentioned that I was holding on to things and really needed to push myself to let go and just feel the emotions inside me. This is something I have always struggled with due to being told as a child to not show my emotions because “nobody wants to hear you cry” or “you’re too excited, let’s take it down a notch”.

It has taken so much time and effort to get to a place where I can acknowledge that I have suppressed my emotions for years and I need to learn how to feel my emotions and process them rather than bottling them up. I now know, post-retreat, just how much of an effect that bottling my emotions was having on my day to day life and have started making the adjustments needed to get back on track with my emotional side.

After the first night I was feeling a bit overwhelmed but at the same time more welcomed than I had felt with a group in as long as I can remember, if ever. Even though so many women were nervous or shy it was easy to move throughout the space and find others to talk to and share experiences and advice. I met other women from MI, women who share similar religious beliefs, women who share similar interest with their dogs, and many other similarities that made this group feel like coming HOME.

Saturday felt like a day spent with true family. I was feeling more comfortable with expressing myself and joining in conversation. Eating AMAZING food! (I will dream of the charcuterie for a long time lol) and getting a real taste of what community and support feels like. This carried on into Sunday where it felt like I had known these women for a lifetime and not just 24-48 hours.

The breath work on Sunday evening was an experience that will stick with me for the rest of my life. Again, I was skeptical going into it and kind of nervous that I wouldn’t feel anything.

After the first round of breathing I had tears in my eyes but still felt that dam holding back the flood gates.

And then Peaches spoke to us.

While I may not remember the exact words that she said I will never forget the feeling that came over me. Like a blanket fresh from the dryer. And the dam broke. The tears started flowing and it was like an electrical current ran through me, I had goosebumps, the hair on my arms was standing up, and I could feel the energy shift within myself.

The best way to describe the emotional release is like there was a giant knot of yarn in my chest that I had been tying more strings around for years until it was a giant mess with no clear way to unravel it. But when the damn broke it was like all of the strings were no longer tangled but rather laid out in front of me in a straight line stretching across the room.

After the breath work was over I felt such a feeling of peace within myself that I don’t know if I have ever experienced before. And I realized that I was Truly feeling EMOTIONALLY SAFE for the first time since I was a young child. Growing up as an Army brat there were times where I felt physically unsafe while in a foreign country or when my dad was deployed and there was no man in the house.

I have struggled for years with being able to sleep through the night because every tiny noise would wake me up in a panic that something bad was going to happen. And since returning home from the retreat I have slept like a baby at night.

However, the biggest release was when Chris and Peaches started singing after the breath work it felt like a cocoon of warmth and safety that allowed me to fully relax. I cried like a baby in Belle’s arms and it was so therapeutic to be able to just sit in my feelings and experience them fully rather than shutting them down and shoving them back into the recesses of my mind. Instead of bundling the yarn back into a knotted mess it was like carefully rolling the yarn back into a neat ball where I can slowly unravel and understand the various emotions and trauma in a controlled manner, rather than yanking at random string ends trying to find where they connect.

There was no expectation of “okay that’s enough” or “why are you so emotional” but rather a feeling of “feel what you need to feel. I am here for however long it takes you to get it all out”. This is something that has held me back from processing through a lot of the emotional trauma that I have, a lack of space to just be myself.

I have followed the podcast for a few years now and getting to watch Peaches in person talk about difficult situations, how to take back your confidence, and how to work past your trauma was such an enlightening experience for me. Having followed the podcast for quite a while it was wild to me just how different the message hit me when you could hear the words in person and feel the energy from not only Peaches but ALL the women around me. Feeling both the love and warmth as well as the pain and healing that was flowing through the room. It reminded me that I am not alone in struggling, there are others who understand that it is not a linear healing journey but one that will have its ups and downs and back tracking moments.

I consider myself someone who “knows I need to take time for self care and to feel my emotions and not bottle them up” and this retreat felt like the first time I was able to see what that looks like in a person and not just an idea or thought in my brain. So many things this past weekend just clicked in my head in ways that I’ve been trying to figure out for myself for years. Which truly shows how important the COMMUNITY is.

I have spent so much of my life living to uphold the expectations set before me by others that I had completely lost track of what I want out of life and where I want to go with my life. Spending time with so many amazing women (and also Chris when we released him from his dungeon) really opened my eyes to the fact that there are people out there who GET IT! Whether that’s due to a shared similar experience in the past or simply enjoying the same things or activities, there was so much connection that I realize now I had not been able to find previously.

The friendships that have been built are so exciting and supportive that I couldn’t ask for a better experience.

2BeBetter truly saved my life and I can’t thank Peaches and Chris for the inspiration and example that they set.

Almost 3 years ago I left my abuser despite the fact that it was not going to be easy. So many things were a case of “I don’t know how I’m going to make it work” but I KNEW from watching 2BB that I deserved more out of life. That just because I had made a decision to stay in the past it didn’t mean I couldn’t make a different choice.

I learned from Peaches that I not only deserved better, but that it was okay for me to leave my situation and FIND better. And just how important it is to take care of myself and make myself a priority. Taking care of yourself is so important if you want to be able to care for others, it starts with you.

I learned from Chris that not all men are the same. There are truly good men out there who want to love, support, and protect their woman. In the early days of watching the podcast I thought to myself that it was likely all just a show and that it’s not like that in real life… however, the longer time went on the more I realized that it wasn’t an act or a show put on for the internet but truly Chris’s devotion to his wife. And getting to experience watching their love in person just solidified in my mind to not settle for less because there are good men out there and someday I will find MY man.

Going forward with my life I made a promise to myself to not let self care fall to the wayside like I have in the past but rather make it a priority. I am reinforcing boundaries in my life and shifting my perspective from “woe is me” to “I deserve the best life has to offer” and already people in my life have noted the change and commented on it.

I can’t wait to continue to grow and bloom into the woman I am meant to be and I cannot thank Peaches enough for hosting such an amazing event that has touched my life in so many ways.